I Walked Alone

Today, I walked alone. As I went, I thought about all of the other “walking” I’ve done over the years. Life is a journey after all. There was a time I had just one baby in one stroller. We would walk and talk about all the things we saw, the colors they were, the sounds they made… Sometimes I would even jog. I was motivated like that with my one baby in her stroller. There was so much joy in those simple moments.

And then, suddenly, there were four. I would walk while wearing one baby and pushing two in the stroller. Kylie would pedal her trike or walk beside. We walked, but we didn’t make it far. Still, there was joy in those moments too, amidst all the challenges.

And then, there was that lime green quad stroller. No one could forget that… All four of the kids fit safely and happily together and we could walk much farther. The stroller was a bright beacon to our neighborhood and those that surrounded us that, yes, I had my hands full… And Kylie and I would laugh and laugh at that, but we were all together and there was so much joy in looking down at those four little blonde heads during our walks.

As she grew, Kylie eventually moved from the stroller to her bike and rode ahead of us. The quad stroller was getting heavier to push, but still we walked. I smiled, listening to the boys chatter on in the stroller while watching Kylie pedal energetically on her little pink bike in front of us. I loved those walks so much and they brought me so much peace at that time in my life. Sometimes, I walked with just the stroller. When Kylie started school, we missed her bike in front of us but we kept up with our walks. Even while missing something, or rather someone, we still found joy in those moments with each other. We still had evenings, weekends, and summers to look forward to.

Eventually we outgrew the quad stroller all together and the boys joined in on their bikes. I walked behind four little bikes in a row- three with training wheels and one proud little girl showing them what the future held as she raced off in front of them. I was proud, too, and I smiled as I walked.

And then came time for the boys to ditch their training wheels… I didn’t do as much walking in those days. Then, I ran. I ran alongside them and then behind them as each one took the leap and moved on to their “big boy” bike. There was sweat, blood and tears at times but, oh, there was joy. There was so much joy watching each one conquer that milestone. We soon left all the training wheels behind us and four bikes went off in a row and I would walk and run along behind them. Those were some beautiful moments, filled with anxiety but also so much pride. 

And then, today, I walked alone. Those four little smiling faces have started school. We have opened a new chapter in our journey as the boys have officially started kindergarten. There was excitement in their eyes and joy in their hearts at starting this new challenge before them with a new world to explore. And because they walked away with joy, I did too. Life is a journey after all. Today I walked through the quiet breeze and I smiled at the warm sun on my face. I walked the same path we have always followed and, though I tried not to look back, I couldn’t help but think of these past several years.  But I am choosing to stay focused on the joy. There were so many moments filled with joy, so many moments to be proud of, and so many treasured memories I will keep close to my heart. I couldn’t help but think about life with each day as a gift to be lived only once. I am so thankful for the four beautiful children I have walked with over the years. I can only look forward to more walks in the days ahead in our evenings, weekends or summers. But today, I walked alone. While I walked, I smiled, because life is a journey after all.